The Speculist

Tony Long at Wired apologized as he offered up the 100,000th opinion piece on cell phone etiquette. I'm worse, because I'm the blogger that's commenting on the 100,000th column.

Long offers some helpful advice, but I think he goes a bit overboard. Yeah, PLEASE don't take a cell call in a movie! The people around you didn't spend $9.00 a ticket to hear half a conversation between you and whoever. Take that call in the lobby.

But is it really rude to use your phone in a restaurant, on public transit, or in the park? These phones are far too useful for people to be so easily offended. Long makes my case for me:

More than the personal computer and, now, the iPod, this is the technology that even the most technophobic of cats is likeliest to possess. In other words, they're all over the place.

Precisely. And if we all have them, then we all can be a little understanding when somebody else uses one. It's the Golden Rule for the cellular age, "Ask not for whom the jerk rings, he rings for thee."

And here's a rule Long suggested that I completely disagree with:

Don't have emotional phone conversations in my face. In other words, don't break up with your boyfriend publicly. (Besides, we can't see him and being able to see his reaction is half the fun.) Wait until you get home and then toss his sorry ass out the door.

NO! If you wait until you get home then I won't even hear your half of the fight. Your tragic love life can be my entertainment. Go ahead and make that call in public - just not in a movie, or a concert, or some other venue where others have paid to hear something else.

Long's opening example is instructive. Long describes the scene in a line at his coffeehouse:

She had already irritated everyone within earshot by conducting a very animated cell-phone conversation in her singsong, Valley girl, yuppie voice. But now it was her turn to order and the cafe's irritation turned to cold fury as she impatiently waved off the barista to complete her thought...

Now, I wasn't there...maybe her voice was like nails on a chalkboard...but on a good day I wouldn't have begun to get irritated until she waved off the guy trying to take her order. Talk if you like, but don't inconvenience the rest of the world.

Its possible for any of us to disappear into a phone call and ignore the surrounding world completely. This is just rude at a coffeeshop, but it can be tragic on the highway.

By the way, if you have an appointment with your lawyer, don't take five cell phone calls during your meeting with him or her. Now that is irritating.