The Speculist

Todd Grannis, 38, thought it would be fun to propose to his girlfriend via self-immolation.

Considering the subjects we cover here at The Speculist, I could hardly be considered a staunch traditionalist. But this just seems like a bad idea:

Wow. Doesn't anybody get down on one knee with a ring anymore? Apparently Grannis emerged from the swimming pool unscathed. I'm sure it helped that he was assisted by a professional stunt man.

To me though, the bigger news goes unreported. We have no word on whether this guy's girlfriend accepted the proposal. A word of advise to the girlfriend Miss Kusiek:

RUN! RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

I'm reminded of that Far Side cartoon "How Nature Says 'Do Not Touch.' " The cartoon showed a series of images that included a porcupine with its quills raised. The last image was of some guy on the street corner wearing a shoe for a hat, a blow-up-floating ring with a duck head, while packing a bazooka.

Anyway, today on my lucky 13th anniversary let me say to my wife:

Honey, I love you so much. And (please) allow me to demostrate my love by never setting myself on fire.

Happy Anniversary!